My life....

Every so often there comes a time in our lives when we need to take a look at everything we have done, everything we are doing, and everything we plan to do in the near and distant future. These deep moments of thoughts can lead us to realize some mistakes that we have made, and they can help us to prevent those same mistakes in the future. But more importantly than that, they can give us a better understanding of ourself.

This weekend was one of those times for me. One of the first things that I realized about myself was that I tend to have a problem letting people in. Now I have my reasons for this, but maybe the time has come to let go of those reasons and move on. I had a really close friend once that I cherished very deeply. Him and I had some problems, and have never been as good of friends since. The reality is, we never will be. At the time I blammed most of the problems on him but the truth is I was at fault for some of them as well. Since that I have never been able to let someone get that close me. Sure I have had some great friends, and I love them dearly, but I have never let anyone that close. Well, there is really no reason for that. The only person I am hurting is myself.

Another thing that I realized is that I have a problem painting a future, and then expecting it to happen. Sure, its ok to have goals and what not, however when you fill in every little detail you almost make it impossible to ever be happy, because you will always be looking for a match. The fact of the matter is, life does not work out like that. You have to deal with things as they come up, and take what you get out of life. Not everything works out like you want it to, but often times I find that they can end up better than I could have ever imagined.

The rule of life that I like to follow is no apologies, no regrets. I don't like to regret things because I think that if you always act in a way you feel is right with the knowledge you have at the time, even if it turns out badly and you realize later that it wasnt the best of ideas, you can't be blammed for not having that knowledge before. And I typically dont regret anything about what I have done in the past, however the one regret that I have more than any other is not having been honost earlier. Now, I wont have to live with that regret anymore. I plan very soon to get everything off of my chest, and start living my life out in the open. There is no need for me to hide who I am anymore, and there is no need for me to feel bad about how it will affect the lives of those close to me. I chose it no more than they did, but I will not hide in fear, nor will I be ashamed.

One more thing I realized this weekend is that being single sucks. I broke up with someone that I had been seeing for a month or so, and right afterwards I realized that I hate being single. But I don't hate it so much that I will stay in a relationship that I don't think is working.

So here is what I have decided. one of these days I am going to find that special someone, and I will not be single anymore. From this point on, I will make full and complete loyalty one of my number one goals in a friendship. I will let people in again, and if I get hurt in the future, I will just cut my loses and move on. I won't let it affect me like it has in the past. I may not have a lot of friends, but damnit I have been blessed with good ones. And lastly, from this point on I am going to be more open and honost with everyone. You can take me or leave me, but you are at least going to know who I am.

Excommunication

There are several religious institutions that like to claim to be the Lord's Church as it was established by Jesus. The Mormon Church is one that makes this claim, and after a period of investigation and prayer, I found that the Mormon Church was the closest thing I have ever seen to what I precieve the Lord's Church to be. However there are still some things that I have a problem with, and one of the biggest of those things is the idea of excommunication.

Now lets ask ourselves....who would Jesus excommunicate from His Church? I would like to thing nobody. The very thought of a man that is capable of sin casting judgement on another and disallowing them a chance to worship in their church seems a little crazy to me. Not only is that a serious problem, but it also seems as though it would force or at least pressure dishonesty.