Fan the flame...

Relationships generally start with a spark. There is something in the initial attraction to an individual, that sparks something. A flame begins to glow, and as the relationship lasts, that glow of happiness seems to become ever so bright.

Now there are times in every relationship were there are obstacles that have to be overcome. Certain times when a wind of uncertainty blows in, the flame will fold a bit. It will be battered down a bit, and maybe not burn as brightly as it once did, however if the foundation of the fire is strong it will survive. It will survive and it will recover, and when it does, it will burn all the more brighter, and it will be so much stronger. It is almost like when you blow into the embers of a fire, it goes down a bit, but when you cease, the fire comes back stronger.

The times of uncertainty arn't bad, and they shouldn't be feared. I tend to believe, from what one might call experiance that those are what make the relationship stronger. If you survive one of those periods of time, which with a little work, and with faith in what you have, you will, then you are better for it. You learn from it, and you are likely never to make that same mistake again.

I am very happy with my life as it is now. I am extremely happy with the status of my relationship. I do not want, nor forsee a change any time in the near future.

United Nations...

Pretty much, the United Nations is one of the most useless and illegitimate international organizations in the history of the world. They serve no real purpose, and they fail time and time again to uphold their charter.

Recently, they have been in the news, because of Chavez's remarks about President Bush. It seems kind of odd for a leader of a much inferior nation, to come on to American soil, and curse the American president for things far above his nations calling. It was something so blatently combative, that democrats were fighting for a chance to come to the defense of President Bush.

After this event, many people were calling for the removal of the United Nations from this country. People were saying that they should be forced to move somewhere else. Though I have agreed with this argument for quite some time, I find it odd that it takes this kind of event to cause this dialogue to become main stream. I mean, the United Nations has neglected its own charter for years, but this inaction is not what causes people to get annoyed. People get annoyed at mere words.

Here is what I think should happen. As long as the United States is still a member of the UN we have to keep them here. We are able to exibit some form of control over the UN so long as it is here. Were it to move to some other country, we would forfeit that control. Now if the US were to withdraw itself, that would be an entirely different story. We would no longer be obligated in any sense of the word to the UN, and we would no longer need to have some influence over them. I think a withdrawl would be entirely appropriate given that the last two Presidents have conducted military operations in direct defiance of UN instruction, and essentially Americans no longer value the UN's posistion. There is no longer a need for us to be there.

Whatever happens, I know that the UN is illegitimate. Our continued presence just seems like a useless hope given that nothing we ever say seems to matter to them.

One of Clinton's many failures...

Alot of gay people are liberal just for the sake of being liberal which kind of annoys me at times. They think that someone can't support gay rights and be conservative. What they fail to realize is that in truth, equal rights is one of the most conservative ideals to have.

That aside, with these gay people being liberal just for the hell of it, they often credit the Clinton administration for championing gay rights. One of the biggest things they use to support this claim is his "huge success with Don't Ask Don't Tell". The truth is, DADT is one of the Clinton administartions many failures. During the campaign against Bush the first, Clinton promised an end to the ban on gay service members. He promised to allow gays to serve openly in the military. He failed to do that. And in truth, DADT didn't change anything. Gay people could serve in the military prior to the DADT policy, they just couldn't say that they were gay. What do gays have to do today? Truth is, as far as the military is concerned things are the same.

But what about the don't pursue don't harass part of the new policy. Nobody pays attention to that. A good percentage of the discharges for being gay come from statements made on online profiles such as myspace. How would the government know about that if they weren't pursuing an investigation? And as for don't haras, thats laughable. If you try to report being harrassed for being gay you can't report it as that. You have to say you are being harrassed for a precieved sexual orientation, because if you confirm it in any way, you will get kicked out. Thats right, you can get kicked out for reporting harrassment.

Then there is the Don't ask part. People ask all the time. They never get in trouble for it. When is the last time you heard of someone getting discharged for asking. Hint; it has never happened. Yet if you tell, you get discharged.

So what did Clinton really accomplish? Can gays serve openly in the military as he promised? No. Was there any real change to the policy concerning gays in the military as a result of DADT? No. I swear, the next time a gay person touts the success of the Clinton administration on gay rights I might loose it.

The great unknown...

People always get frustrated when you blurt out the ending to a movie before they get a chance to see it. Me, I have always loved that. It doesn't ruin the movie in my mind. Sometimes it can, but most of the time I can get just as much out of a movie by seeing how they get to the ending, as oppose to seeing what the ending actually is.

When considering that I can't help but think of how much I would love to get a glimpse of my life in the future. The great unknown element in my life just absolutly drives me crazy. I have my dreams, and there are many things I would like to do, but the great unkown remains. Who am I going to spend it all with? Who am I going to share my life with? Who is going to share their life with me? Will the person who holds the keys to my heart cherish or forsake that responsibility?

I have always dreamed of totally giving myself to someone else. Sharing a love that is so deep and pure that it is rivaled by all of those in our life. And I still hold out hope that that love is here, but day in and day out my impatience takes hold. I can't stand the uncertainty.

Entitlement...

One of the more prevelant problems in contemporary American society is the large group of people that for some reason or another thing that they are entitiled to things just because they are alive. You see these people everyday. They are the people drawing welfare, the people asking for universal healthcare, and the people who think that someone succesful is automatically a bad person.

The truth is, you are not entitled to anything. What you work for and earn is what you get, but just because you fail, doesn't mean that those who didn't deserve to be punished. Just because you are poor, does not mean that those who are succesful should have to bear you as a burden. It makes me sick to see the rampant laziness that is assisted by the various entitlement programs we have in this country. It makes me sick to see people destroy their lives, and then blame the rest of us.

Drug usage runs rampant amoungst poor Americans. Does that mean that all poor people do drugs? No. But it does mean that alot of people have their own decesions to blame for their circumstances, not anything else.

People contract Aids on a daily basis because they do things that they know are reckless and stupid. Does the fact that you had unprotected sex with someone you didn't know mean that I should have to pay your medical bill? Does the fact that you used drugs with a dirty needle mean that I should be responsible for the growing Aids epidemic

I have sympathy for victims of aids. It is something that plauges my community, and I truly hate to see people having to deal with it. But lets not pretend for one minute that it is something that targets the completely unsuspecting. Aids hits those people who were not smart enough to prevent it. The people who conducted themselves in a manner that they knew was stupid.

I don't mean to sound cold or calous, though I fear that that is how this may look. I just get frustrated with people who refuse to help themselves, and then expect everyone else to do it for them. I get annoyed when a tennant demonizes their landlord, just because their landlord expects to get the rent. I get frustrated when people vilionize the succesful, just because the succesful have created a good life for themselves. I get frustrated when people sit back and do nothing, and then blame their problems on everyone else. For crying out loud people....This is America. This is the land of opportunity, not the land of entitlement. You are entitled to that which you earn, nothing more.

Worth the fighting for...

My brother used to say "opinions are like assholes....we all have them and they all stink". I'm not sure where he got that from, but I always remember shaking my head. The truth is however, most of us do have opinions on alot of things. However, one often wonders, how dearly do we truly hold those opinions? Which of them are worth the fighting for?

I am seen by many of those around me as someone that is very opinionated. Truth is, if you have known me for any period of time whatsoever you know that I am very adament about my opinions. I am very argumentative, and I will never pass up a chance to make my point. I have often been described as bland and boring, becuase after all, America's youth really couldn't care less about the issues that face this country.

Now granted, there are very few issues that I don't have an opinion on, and any one that I don't, I can draft one rather quickly after learning a little about the subject. The question is, which ones do I hold the most dear? Which ones will I fight for?

The most important issue to me will always be, and has always been abortion. The very thought that people in this country find it acceptable to kill a pre born child disgusts me. The fact that our standard of decency is really that low is truly disturbing. We have people in this country, and in this world for that matter that want nothing more than to be parents, yet for some reason or another they can't be. People that would give anything to adopt a child or be able to have one on their own, but can't. Then we have the people that have the ability to have children, and abuse it. People that could have a child at any moment, yet they throw it away. I would gladly give my life so that the children who die everyday in this country could be given a chance to live.

The second most important issue to me is equality for gay Americans. This is such a simple issue in my mind that I just get so frustrated by people who do not agree with me. This is America for crying out loud. This is the country that is suppose to value freedom. From the very begining, we have expressed equality in all of our principals, yet we have never at any one point been able to grant it. We love to talk about freedom, yet we are not so quick to grant it. We love to send our fighting men and women to forign shores to fight and die for our "American values" yet we can't even live up to them here at home. The 14th ammendment to the US Constitution grants equal protection of the laws to all citizens under the jurisdiction of the United States. That blatently justifies equal rights for gay americans. There is truly no question as to what the right thing is, however still to this day, we do not grant equality. How is such a basic principal so hard to follow?

I get tired, sick and tired for that matter, of people not standing up for what they believe in. Not fighting for the values that they hold dear. I get tired of people have opinions just because that is what they heard someone else say. I get tired of people not voting, but then turning around and bitching because they didn't get their way. People in other countries risk their lives to go and vote. They go to the polls not knowing whether or not being there might get them blown up. Americans, who have it so easy, absolutly refuse to vote. More people vote for the next American Idol than for the President of the United States. How pathetic is that? Forign parliments hash out their differences in heated debates and vicious disputes. American politicians speak in the most bland tone possible, and usually the only one in the chamber at any one time is they guy that has been slated for days to speak then. Lobbyists have more power than do elected officials. How pathetic can we be?

Don't get me wrong. I absolutly love this country. We are truly the greatest country in the world. We have so much to cherish, and so much to be proud of. However we can do better. We can do so much better, and we are doing ourselves a great injustice to sit back and say that we can't. Americans need to fight for what they believe, even if that belief is not popular. That afterall, is the duty of any citizen of a democracy.

Some things that are on my mind...

So here are a few things that have been on my mind...on the subject of love and what not. Relationships for gays tend to be a little more complex than relationships for straight people. I don't mean to self-segregate, but that is just a simple truth of the world.

First of all you have the problem of identifying memebers of the community. America, you know the land of the free, has not set up a society of tolerance. This rampant intollerance has created a situation in which alot of gays stay in the closet, and alot of those that come out, are out with caution. That makes it hard to tell who you could actually date. And you must also consider that the playing field for gays is extremely limited. At least, more so than it is for straight people.

Then there are those gays, that deep down are probably gay but get caught up on not wanting to live the life; not wanting to deal with all that goes along with it. I think that is where most bisexuals find themselves. Being out and proud is truly a hard thing.

I guess I'm rambling a little bit, but I promise there is a point here. Being gay in today's America is certainly easier than it used to be, however it is still very difficult. I know that being out and proud is difficult. I've had problems with a situation of that sort, and I know others who have had it much harder than me.

I know it may be asking alot, but I guess when I have thought of who I might want to date I have always pictured someone that has come to terms with that. I am not looking for an out and proud queen by any means, however I am not prepared nor do I ever intend to deal with insecurity issues in that regard. I don't think I could handel it. I want someone who is willing to accept that they are part of the community, and willing to deal with all that goes along with it. I wish America didn't make that such a hard thing to do.My heart tells me that I am in the right place now. I am going to trust that feeling and see where it takes me.

Relationships...

People who have a significant other, truly do not recognize how lucky they are. Love between two people of that magnitude...the willingness to share your lives together, is truly amazing. I do get annoyed at the whole process quite often though.

First of all, there is the whole maturity question. Often times teenagers and younger adults tend to have this mindset that they only want a relationship for the fun that can come from it. I suppose that is fine, however they should preface it with that. If you have no long term intentions don't led someone to believe that you do. Believe it or not, there are people in that age group that want something more. And yes, the relationship does need to develop over time before they can be sure that you are the person they want it with, however the fact remains, some people are ready to grow up and start their life.

Then there is the notion that couples in a serious relationship can't have fun. That is stupid. Just cause you are not sleeping around and the like doesnt mean you cant do the same things that everyone else is doing. You are still young for crying out loud. You can still have all the fun. The dating for fun notion is flawed at its very core.

Next there is the question of substance. When dealing with a serious relationship I don't think that it is unreasonable to expect substace. Often times the question is asked, what is more important, sex, or everything else. Now, I tend to believe that sex is very important in any relationship, however, if the relationship is based only on sex, then it has no substance and will most assuridly fail. I think that communication is a huge part of any relationship. I think that sharing becomes necessary at one point. Look at it this way; if you are dating someone that essentially you are just sleeping with, and that relationship lasts for a little bit, you would expect to know a little something about the other person that you are dating. If you find at a certain point, that their friends often still know more about them, and are still told more about them, even after the relationship began, you have to question the substance that that relationship has.

Relationships truly are confusing, in fact sometimes very frustrating. However I do believe that it is the deepest goal of any human to find someone with whom they can share their life. The idea of a companionship that true is truly a great thought. Those who find that happiness are extremely lucky.